The Cost & Liability of being the Other Woman, is it really worth it?
With all the recent controversy surrounding the L.A. Clippers owner Donald Sterling’s bigoted remarks, I am reminded of another issue that lurks behind this sad mess. The issue of the alleged girlfriend aka mistress, side chick or gold-digger as some are referring to, V. Stiviano is being sued by the current wife for intentionally perusing a romantic relationship with her husband. This is not the first time we have heard of a lawsuit being brought against the mistress or girlfriend of an extramarital affair. At what point do you hold the other woman/man financially liable for the demise of your marriage/relationship. Where do you even begin to put a price on your marriage? How much value do you place on the time invested in building a family, having and raising children, putting careers aside for the greater good, creating a social force in the marriage, etc.? What about the other women/man, what is the price for them? They know the chance of obtaining marriage status may be non-existent, so yes, at times they expect to be compensated for their time, missed dinners, broken promises, and investment of being the other women via gifts or other resources. Let’s be honest, the men/women are fully aware that they will be supporting their wants financially, so quit letting them off the hook as being coerced somehow into these relationships. Finances are pretty much all they have to offer for such an exchange. Your spouse knows he or she is married. Least we foolishly forget that there are plenty of websites dedicated specifically for men and women looking for sugar babies, mistresses or whatever you deem to call them.
Yes, no matter how you look at it, it if you are still married or even legally separated the new person (male or female) is placed in the situation of being the other woman or man. Often depending on how and at what point of the relationship it was created, they are left to endure name calling, constant targeted em-battlement from the current spouse and children (regardless of ages) and being labeled as a home wrecker whether or not if she/he knew about the marriage upon entering the relationship. That person is often the main target, often receiving harsher treatment than the spouse who actually cheated. They are jeered, sneered, often ostracized publicly and privately. Most assume she or he was aware that the spouse was married, as it may be hard to believe, sometimes they have no idea. A deception carried out by your spouse, they end up involved with only finding out well after they too have invested their time and emotions into the relationship. We should not forget that all the information they have is what is given to them by your current spouse/partner. Then again, there are times when you actually have the deliberate pursuits of married men and women.
I recall a day in my former marriage when joining my at the time husband for an evening out as I had just relocated to Germany to reside with him, my own anger and humiliation at having a woman (a complete stranger to me) literally removed my husbands hands from my waist and pushed me aside to separate me from my husband so that she could pursue a romantic conversation with him as if I was someone he just picked up off the street. I don’t know if she knew who I was prior to prying his arms from around me but she completely ignored my presence even while my husband tried to inform her that I was his wife and she should leave. To say the least, she is lucky that I did not let my initial physical response override my head. Instead I chose to address my husband as she clearly was not a stranger to him. Yet, as I felt they both hurt, shocked and completely disrespected me and our marriage on every possible level, I somehow managed to refrain from beating the hell out of both of them. Over the course of the next several weeks these incidents continued to happen, I had to determine where exactly to direct my anger. I was angry, hurt and yes, back to angry!! PMS had nothing over my field of emotions. Who do you hold responsible, my husband who not did not honor our marriage agreement, apparently was not using protection with these women, who did not even have enough sense to be discreet about his relationships publicly or privately, jeopardizing my health as I have no idea who else these girls were sleeping with and if they had any diseases. Or to what extent to the women (yes, I said women) with their relentless determination and full knowledge of the marriage whom completely without any regards of respect or shame laid a non-stop pursuit of my husband. One took it upon herself to come to my door twice to see if he was home to hang out? I almost went to jail that day! Hence, that marriage is no more.
Currently, Mrs. Sterling is not only in the midst of divorcing her husband but she has filed lawsuits directed at Ms. Stiviano for intentional pursuits of her husband resulting in the divorce and coerced financial gains. Now for some reality, marriages fall apart, we grow apart, and we find that maybe we married the wrong person or married for the wrong reason, somehow we have hit an impasse in our marriage with our partner. Sometimes the problems just sits for years, sometimes your partner is just an ass, and sometimes you are just tired of being alone in your marriage until one day, someone decides they need something more and instead of either working on the issues or ending the current marriage for whatever reasons they move onto additional relationships without the knowledge of the other spouse. When it is discovered, how much value do we place on marriages, do we create laws that support and enforce the non-tangible behaviors of third party interference, or do we hold our spouse responsible for their behaviors? What are your thoughts on the matter and how would you deal with it? Do you think we should put a monetary civil penalty on the other woman or man?
I leave you with this: Should you find yourself in this situation, honor your feelings, be prepared to ask some very hard questions, be prepared to work through you pain and above all KNOW YOUR WORTH!
